i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
vagina is talking i cant
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
