We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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