Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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