Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
