Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
