all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
