No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
