Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
