his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
