Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
