So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
