Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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