How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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