I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
