At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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