woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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