I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
