Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The uberlube is also flammable
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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