I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
