Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
