ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
