I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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