At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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