we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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