i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
