You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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