Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
