I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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