I think i peed on brittanys purse
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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