I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
All I want is dick and wine.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
