How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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