dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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