Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
