Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize