no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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