She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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