Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
