I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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