I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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