I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
