I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
