Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
