I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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