dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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