The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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