dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
