Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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