Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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