Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
