best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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