Please, let me fuck your mom
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize