angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
