i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
