I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize