watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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