I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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