well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
