I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We left an ass print on the piano.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
