My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
last night I used snow as a chaser
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
