i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize