new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
