Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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