So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
