I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize