he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
