I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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