Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
