just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
