Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
