youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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