Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
