my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
