so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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