How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
