Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
