theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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